January 21

Well, I got on the scale this morning and was up 2 pounds. I thought I had done pretty good but I guess not. Last week we bought an exercise bike and this week we bought a treadmill so now I need to get busy and exercise. That bike is really hard. You have to do stretches before you get on or your legs cramp. Now I wonder what excuse I'll use.

Julie, I'm not mad that you didn't come to my house. I guess I just don't understand why I wasn't invited to Jackie's that night like Tracey. I just feel left out but I've decided not to let it bother me anymore. That's just the way life is. I need to quit letting things bother me because it makes my ulcer act up and I've been suffering big time lately. I know it's stress so I have decided to quit being stressed. I don't know if it works that way or not. But maybe if I get on with exercising, it will be better.

I only went there because Julie bought gifts for the little kids. I was only there for a little over an hour. Because I told dad that I would take him out for supper to get him out of the house. And I thank Roger and Julie for going out and visiting him, no one else ever bothers. He has had a friend call him, Mike has stopped in, and Clarence, well he just stops if he needs something. Just because my mom and dad got divorced, doesn't mean that the "Ritter" family quit caring. I found that out tonight. I know that I have complained about Jeannie before, but I will NEVER do that again. She was here for us when we needed her. Dad is not doing very good. I called her and her and Dean came right out. They told me to take him to SF tomorrow and that Dean would take him if I wanted him to. When Grandpa died Dean and I bonded. I know it and I know that he knows it. But we don't say anything. I seen the way he was looking at me tonight and I just know that he is there for me if I need him to be. Sometimes I think that we need to just stop and THINK, and be thankful for we have in our lives. I know that I am!!

Stress does funny things to your body. I have discovered that recently. I guess if I don't get Becklers' scrapbook done by their anniversary, no big deal. But I also know that I will stay up all night to get it done the night before. And that is dumb and stressful. I need to figure out how not to let myself get so stressed out. One day at a time......

Tracey, I hope that you don't forget what Jeanie and Dean did for you. They have always been there for me and it really bugs me when everyone criticizes them. Jeanie would give you the shirt off her back if you needed it. Yeah, they have their friends that they are thick with but if you need help, they will be there. Dean can be a jerk but he really will do anything for you if you need him. When Gerald was going to have his surgery, Dean called and said that if I wanted him to come down to be with me, he would. I told him I would really appreciate it. And believe me, I did. I am greatful that you and Taylor showed up that mornng too but I was surprised by that because I know how busy you always are. It also meant a lot to me when everyone showed up the day after Gerald had the code blue too. Family really does mean a lot to me and I don't think we should forget that. That's why I think we should try to be more considerate of one another all the time and not just when there is a family emergency. Maybe we just need to initiate a get together more often so we don't lose touch with one another. And you better believe that stress can really affect your body and it can eventually kill you if you don't take care of it. I am trying to get past my stress and be positive. But it is a hard thing to do. It's a lot easier to get depressed than to be positive. Tracey, you have way too much stress for your age. You don't even know how to relax. I was the same way when I was married to your dad. I just felt like I had to be working all the time. But you really need time to relax. One of the gals at the office told me the other day that I must watch TV a lot. I told her that I don't have kids to take care of at night. Gerald is retired so he does all the laundry and vacuuming and sometimes even cooks. So I don't have much to do anymore. I have really backed off getting involved in things and it is rather nice to kick back and watch tv or read at night. Tracey you can always count on me to help you out, all you have to do is ask.

I got on the treadmill and the bike last night so that should help with the stress. I'm ready to start losing weight. So come on everyone. Let's go!!!